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Online Dialog Forum -> Non Sequitur -> Customer Service Horror Story
Post Info TOPIC: Customer Service Horror Story
Scott Leffler


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Customer Service Horror Story
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For Thursday's show - in an effort to divorce myself from politics - I'm going to talk about customer service horror stories. I have a few of mine to share and I'm hoping that you'll share yours as well. But below is an email I got from a friend that really was the impetus of the show idea. If you'd like to add your own, that'd be cool ... or, of course, feel free to call during the show and add yours - just leave names out of it. The boss gets kind of peaved when callers sh*t on our advertisers.

A real-life customer complaint letter sent to NTL (to their complaints
dept....)

Dear Cretins,

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone. During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office:

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website....HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept. The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools - such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum. Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15 telephone calls over 4 weeks my modem arrived... six weeks after I had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35%... hours between about 6pm -midnight, Mon-Fri, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bullock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that no telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an answer machine informing me that your office is closed); that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating Scottish robot woman...and several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to. Frankly I don't care, it's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my frustration's in print than to shout them at your unending hold music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought BT were ****, that they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - wankers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy puss-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy. Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you.

I suggest that you cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps bemused rage. I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day - may it be the last in you miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twats.

John


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Anonymous

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I have one.

I awoke Saturday morning to the sound of pounding on the front door. After everyone scrambled around in their underwear, I answered it and there was a lady on the porch holding some junk mail. She said "This is the only time I will walk onto this porch. I need access to your box." After a couple seconds, I realized that she must be the mail delivery person since she had not identified herself.

I asked her what was in the way and she said a van that was in my driveway was sticking out into the road (it wasn't,BTW). I told her if there was a problem, don't deliver the mail today, I'll get it the next time. She yelled "I need access to your box!" And I'm sorry, I did chuckle a little because I still have a juvenile mind sometimes. She said "I can't deliver if there's something in the way." I said while shrugging my shoulders, "so don't". She handed me the junk mail and left in a huff.

Now, I think part of this lady's tone in her voice and her attitude was due to the fact that she ASSUMED I am younger than I am. It's not the first time I have been treated like a child by a stranger. Regardless, I am still the CUSTOMER. Snail mail is becoming obsolete, and so shall her job someday. Probably sooner than later since I immediately sent an email to the USPS and reaceived a call Monday AM from her superior apologizing her head off.

How do ya like them apples?

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kspeer


Senior Member

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Posts: 414
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That last one was me..thought I was logged in!

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Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
NYCOWIFE


Veteran Member

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Ah ....gotta love the b*lls of some people.  I to have had "numerous" run ins with the mail lady....we have a few other names we call her here... but we won't go there now~!


  Also while at work the mailman there bi*ched and moaned loudly about picking up our mail and purposely tossed it on the ground into the mud!  (yes I saw him while he tossed it and was cussin' up a storm) 


  I have been called a "little brat" ( I am almost 40 and the clerk was younger than I lol)because I wanted to see a camera box upclose at Walmart.  My gosh she was alarmed when she found out I heard her!


  I have had car salesman tell me to bring my dad back to look at the new truck..."maybe he can help me get a loan"  lmao  I said ok...thanks...and the next day drove in with my brand spankin new more expensive truck that I purchase "all by myself!". 


  I could go on and on....the thing that gets me especially with people that 1. we pay their wages and 2. work on commission....whats up?  Don't they want to make any money? 


  Hopefully someone will read this and it will set a light bulb off and customer service will be back to where it should be.....


   treat others as you wish to be treated......


      G'day!


 



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