12/16/2005 TOWN OF NIAGARA - A man with an assault rifle threatened a convenience store clerk who wouldn't sell him a bag of Doritos Wednesday, town police said.
Police Chief James Suitor said a man entered the A Plus Mini Mart Sunoco at the intersection of Porter/Packard and Military roads at 5:15 a.m. and tried to buy the snack food with a $100 bill.
The clerk told him she couldn't make change, and said that the man went to his truck and returned with an assault rifle. She pushed the silent alarm and police arrested the man without incident.
Suitor said the man made no demands, but that the clerk felt threatened.
Jeremy Logan, 29, of Third Street, Niagara Falls was charged with menacing, disorderly conduct and driving while intoxicated. Other charges may be added after a meeting with the district attorney, Suitor said.
Logan was ordered held in Niagara County Jail on $1,000 bail.
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Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
There's this guy and one day, when he pissing, he notices that his penis is orange. He goes, "What the hell?" and he went to the doctor the next day. "Doc, why's my penis orange?" he asks. The doctor goes, "Hmm. Never seen anything like it. Here, take a couple of these pills and come back here tomorrow." So the guy takes the pills back home and uses it that night. The next day, he goes back to the doctor and the stuff doesn't do anything. So, the doctor gives him some stronger stuff and tells him to come back the next day. He takes it home and the next day, his penis is still orange. He goes back to the doctor and he gives him the strongest stuff they have. You know, he'll be out for twelve hours and he can't eat or drink anything during that time, etc. He comes back a couple days later and his penis is still orange.
The doctor goes, "Damn. What's going on? What kind of sex have you been having?"
The guy goes, "Well, actually, I haven't gotten any in a long time."
So the doctor thinks a little bit and asks, "Well, what'd you do last night?"
The guy says, "Um, I was looking at some pornos and eating some Doritos."
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"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
Albert Einstein