Nagin Defends Use of 'Phantom Police'

September 30, 2005

Ray Nagin, mayor of New Orleans, lashed back at critics after the FBI discovered that up to 700 so-called members of the city police force simply did not exist. Funding for many of these officers was provided by  the federal government.

"During  the storm and aftermath we'd heard reports that hundreds of New Orleans police officers had deserted their post," said an FBI spokesman."

Further investigation indicates that these posts had never been manned and the funds supposedly paid in wages has disappeared." "Sure, we overstated the number of officers on the force,"said Nagin. "We did this to deter crime."

As Nagin explained it, the "phantom officers" were used as a decoy to "frighten" would-be offenders. "Just as George Washington lit fake campfires to lull the British troops before his surprise attack at Princeton, we in New Orleans have employed a similar strategy."

The effectiveness of Nagin's alleged strategy is in doubt, though. New Orleans has one of the highest crime rates per capita in the nation.

As for what happened to the funds that were supposed to have paid police salaries, Nagin asserted that they were used to hire consultants and purchase computer software needed to sustain New Orleans'  "Virtual Police Force." "The software had to be custom made," said  Nagin. "It's not something  you can buy at CompUSA. Software designers don't come cheap. Neither do the public relations experts who developed our media campaign."

The media campaign featured TV spots of various street people implying that they could be undercover cops. In one ad, an apparently toothless derelict looks into the camera and says, "I be watchin' you. So don't you go misbehavin'." Unimpressed by Nagin's explanation, the FBI asserted it will continue its investigation.

Do you smell what I smell? And they want $100 Billion to rebuild that cess pool?