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Online Dialog Forum -> Non Sequitur -> Letters to Santa
Post Info TOPIC: Letters to Santa
kspeer


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Letters to Santa
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deer santa:

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend,

BiLLy



Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa
___________________________________________________________________



Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace

and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah



Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

_____________________________________________________________



Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,

Teddy



Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with those?

Santa

_________________________________________________________________



Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum

kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,

Francis



Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.

Santa

_________________________________________________________________



Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love,

Susan



Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the s@#ts and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.

Santa

_________________________________________________________________



Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,

Thomas



Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made by little kids like you in China Every year I give them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.

Santa

P.S.

Tell your mom she got the part.

"Long Dong" Claus

________________________________________________________________



Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love,

Jessica



Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa
_____________________________________________________________________





Dear Santa,

I really want a puppy this year. Please please PLEASE PLEASE

could I have one?

Timmy

,

That whiney begging s@#t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.

Santa

_________________________________________________________________



Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love,

Marky



Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

Santa

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mike of the mountain


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from last year ;

A Christmas story....

There was a man who worked for the Post Office, whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came to his desk, addressed in a shaky handwriting, to santa. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. He opened it and read:



    Dear santa,


    I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100.00 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?


    Sincerely, Bertha



The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all of the other workers. Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96.00, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all of the workers felt a warm glow for the kind thing they had done. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady, to santa. All of the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:



    Dear santa,


    How can I ever thank You enough for what you did for me? Because of Your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of Your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.


    Sincerely, Bertha

    -------------------

    no good deed goes un-punished .


-- Edited by mike of the mountain at 20:50, 2005-12-17

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jspeer


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That's really funny! I was just wondering if the old women in the letter is that pain in the ass that calls the show?

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"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein
mike of the mountain


Senior Member

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Posts: 408
Date:
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jspeer wrote:

That's really funny! I was just wondering if the old women in the letter is that pain in the ass that calls the show?


it pales in comparison to the stuff you have posted in the past ... no i think that woman must be  my neighbor here at the shop ...



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